My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
