I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
