I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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