There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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