so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
