i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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