I just found puke in my bra..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
