i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We were destined to go to rehab together
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
