so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
