you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
