we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
whose parrot is this?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
