I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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