He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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