before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
