I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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