I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
