i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
