the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
