had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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