Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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