and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just pee around me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
