I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
thus making me awesome and them whores
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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