my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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