I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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