Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm passing your future prison.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
