make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
