this boner is exhausting
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
