He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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