peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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