Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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