Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
