i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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