I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
