I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
