Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
