sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
