I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
