well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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