Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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