I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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