even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
