Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
