I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
