then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
