just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
