you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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