she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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