dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
