oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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