Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
