It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
